Standby For Hope

My daughter shared in a December 2022 blog what she recalls from a dreadful night in Key West several years ago. Andrea's torment that night became mine also when the phone rang and woke me from a deep sleep at 1:00 a.m. I remember answering, "Hello?" and her boyfriend saying, "Mrs. Traugh, I'm sorry, but Andrea is locked in the bathroom with the biggest knife in the house." My world seemed to begin spinning, but in a way, seemed to stop in place.

Often, we can say 'nothing prepared me for something like this', but one of the million thoughts that ran through my mind in the next few minutes was the opposite. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had been prepared for this. Although my mind has never been one to memorize scripture well, I had been 'brainwashed' in a good way the past few weeks using several Bible verses, the last sentence being Habakkuk 3:19 - "The Sovereign Lord is my strength." In this moment when my body was overcome with weakness, when the shell of me had no choice but to function, that sentence was my lifeline... and I desperately prayed it would be Andrea's, too.

Let me take you back a few weeks to when I sat in church looking at a leaflet describing the Bible studies that would be offered next session. Not one of them seemed to be just what appealed to me. I've attended church since I was an infant. As an adult I had been involved in women's ministries that usually included more than one series a year studying a book of the Bible, or some specific theme. I had already completed two of the studies being offered, so the obvious remaining choice was on the topic 'Anxiety'. Not to seem irreverent, but I was dismissive of this option almost to the point of rolling my eyes. Maybe I just wouldn't sign up to join a group this session. Why should I? I felt calm enough. Though much of my life had been relatively pleasant since birth, though I had my own family now, though we had raised a son and daughter who made my heart burst with love and pride, though I had all I needed plus more, I had experienced the harder sides of life, too. It was because of those tough times that I learned to pray in earnest. It was during those tough times I tried hard to ride out the storm peacefully, confident that calm was on the other side. Those were the benefits, but the loss was that I hid so much from nearly everyone, all the time. I shared the victorious part of my life, but not the battle. I shared that God was the answer, but I usually didn't hint that I had a problem.

From an early age I learned to camouflage what upsets others. I did it when I was an innocent victim. I did it when I was the one who sinned, when I caused grief and sorrow. And I was doing it at that time, hiding the facts, when my marriage did not feel like marriage. I prayed a lot. Every worry I had I turned into a prayer. I had never experienced what I heard people refer to as 'panic attacks'. And so, I couldn't imagine that I had any use for a study on Anxiety.

Each week of that Anxiety study I was 'brain washed' in that good way I mentioned, cleansed mentally of my wrong thinking that anxiety is not a part of every human's life. Had I overlooked mentions of that word as I read my Bible?  Our table of women was led by Robyn, one of the sweetest ladies I have met in my life. She was such a compassionate and insightful leader, as deeply spiritual as anyone I've ever encountered. I did not know her prior to this class. We had no interaction before or after class, although I hoped to get to know her better personally, as she was a gem, and we all knew it. Each week we had homework to practice praying the last few verses of Habbakuk, plugging in or substituting our own concerns and worries.

Habbakkuk says, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine... yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength."  Using this as a template, our homework was to go home and write our own deepest fears, our greatest needs, our personal desperate pleas, ending the prayer with "yet I will by joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength."  I did this 5-7 days a week for several weeks before that horrible phone call.

Andrea was not in a state of mind to talk to anyone when he called me. She refused to speak on the phone. I heard her chaotic words in the background, basically saying to leave her alone. The crisis died down somewhat while I was on the phone but her boyfriend knew that a 911 call may be in order soon. I prepared to leave on a flight that would leave soon and was on the phone with them many times throughout the next several hours. As I packed, drove, walked into and through the airport, my zombie-like self prayed the Habbakuk prayer over and over and over, plugging in horrible images and words that I certainly had not written when I completed my homework.

The first of many times I had to completely surrender my daughter, my circumstances and the outcome to God that night happened as I pulled into the airport parking lot and realized that in the fog of confusion, I was focused on the clock time 4:30 a.m. Sickeningly it dawned on me that 4:30 was the flight time, not the time I needed to arrive at the airport. It may have been one of the lowest points of my life. I felt so out of control knowing that it was due to my own fault, and that I may not be there for my child, in time. Literally running to the desk, I asked if possibly the plane was leaving late; no, it had just left. But I was briskly walked to another flight that was detained so that I may enter... and take the one remaining empty seat. 

Jesus will walk with you, and I felt Him that night. He used my foggy-brained mistake and led me to sit beside a woman who I would argue was an angel sent for us, except for the fact that she wrote her name and other information on a piece of paper for me before we parted. As soon as I sat down, she put her hand on my arm and asked me if I was OK. I told her I was not, and why. She told me she works on a suicide hotline and had me write down questions to ask Andrea's boyfriend as soon as we landed. Depending on the answers to each, she had ready advice for the next step. She offered insight on behavior and what to expect. She gave specific instructions, what to say, what not to say. Such precision assistance can only be Heaven-sent. Such comfort only comes through the Holy Spirit. Often, as I looked back on that night, I wonder what passengers in the seats surrounding us heard and thought.  Before I even mentioned to this woman that Andrea was preparing to apply for nursing school, she told me she was a director of a nursing school in Arizona. That fact didn't play a tangibly helpful part like her suicide prevention knowledge and experience did, but it was a connector. It helped form that bond that told me, "You are sitting by a woman hand-picked for her experience. Trust me. I am your amazing Heavenly Father who can do this and more."  We spoke during the entire flight. I mentioned a complex concern I had about medication; it came as no surprise by then when she said her former job was a pharmaceutical representative. Her caution and strong advice she offered proved to be true.

Sitting beside that first 'angel' throughout that flight lifted me up and strengthened me. I had no doubt God was with me through this. I was flying stand-by, and that assurance was needed to sustain me through more hours of frustrations and delays.

During a layover in Houston my cell phone rang. Back then we rarely received calls from people we didn't know, so although I didn't recognize the number, I answered it. I vaguely recognized a familiar voice but was shocked to hear my table leader, Robyn, ask if I was at church and if so, would I like to go out to lunch with her?  Remember, I only knew her as my table leader. These groups always lead with prayer and most of us asked for prayer for our kids, including me. My prayer requests were pretty generic for a college-aged girl. I had mentioned nothing in my group to raise any eyebrows; in fact, a couple women laughingly said, "She is how old? That's minor! That's to be expected!" 

I told Robyn that I wasn't in Columbus, that I was in a Houston airport on the way to see Andrea, and about the phone call. I heard a kind of whimper, and she said, "Oh, Angela... I wanted to have lunch with you to tell you that the Lord woke me up at midnight to pray for your daughter. I haven't quit praying since." 

Wow. We both knew. God saw Andrea. Robyn heard God's whisper. Robyn was available to her Lord. Robyn was obedient. Robyn was my second angel that night.

There were other miracles that night. God was with Andrea and she heard Amazing Grace, the song, when she felt so lost. I could write forever about those 24 hours, and about the years since, about all we continue to learn about what we hide and how it helps to bring it to light. We want to encourage you to prepare ahead, to listen to what He whispers to you.

When I finally reached Andrea that day, many long hours later, it was as if my daughter was not behind those eyes, as if she had 'checked out'. It's been a long and winding road, back and forth, up and down, smooth and rough, but every day worth living, and every day more beautiful as I see more and more of the woman God created behind those eyes. You would think that after experiencing so many miracles you would be somewhat of a miracle yourself, but we can both laugh and cry at the wrong turns we've made since then. And you know what? God still turns foggy-brained errors into being in the right place at the right time, especially when our intention is a prayerful one.

It’s Because We’re Sitting Still

For sure we never would have chosen the month of November to pick up the camper trailer, but that's the way it worked out after all. Monday was that red letter day - a day that had been penciled in and scratched out many, many times.

I have to admit that a few things have caused me a little concern while anticipating this event: my hands (not strong enough), knee (when I don't treat it well it pays me back) and Andrea's camper-pulling skills (no previous experience). I want to be a help, not a hindrance, after all. Turn those worries into prayers, as they say, and I continued doing just that when I prayed Monday morning.

This year I've used a Bible app devotional for my morning 'quiet time' called Bible in One Year 2022 with Nicky Gumbel - Classic. There is a phenomenon that occurs when you really begin to read the Bible in faith, look for answers, and intentionally open yourself up to what scripture teaches about God and what He can mean in our lives. It doesn't always happen, but sometimes the words seem so profoundly personal and precisely timed that they become faith-builders immediately. And sometimes it simply brings a smile and feels as if God must have a sense of humor. At the very least, for those who don't see spiritual things as I do, this is a great 'coincidence' and always much appreciated by the reader. The reading for Monday, November 14, included Hebrews 12:12,13 which reads:"Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed." So... I smiled, relaxed and quit worrying about Worry #1 and Worry #2, reminded that half the work in that answered prayer will be my own! I could then focus on Concern #3. I prayed a lot for Andrea's confidence, a clear mind, safe roads and for all drivers on the road to be cautious, including Andrea! Everything went smoother than we could ever imagine. We pulled into a church parking lot for her to practice what she had learned online, then headed to the campsite. Practice is one thing, but there was honestly a little nervous tension until we reached the campsite... That is, until she backed in as if she had done it all her driving life. What a huge relief and a great end to our special day!

But the day wasn't over. We left our truck with the camper, and drove home together in our SUV. Freeway traffic was heavy. Caution didn't seem to be the priority of most drivers. For unknown reasons, everyone began braking and while Andrea safely avoided hitting anyone ahead of us, someone rear-ended us. We pulled over to the side, as did the man in the truck who hit us, and one witness. As we sat there on the I-270 bridge, amazed and deeply grateful that no one was injured, I just could not believe how cars continued to zoom by. Three cars stopped on the side but traffic didn't even slow.

I kept saying "These cars are flying. Where is everyone going? and what is the hurry to get there?!"

Cambryn said, "We're just noticing it because we're sitting still, Nana."

Isn't that just another simple but profound truth that comes from a child, though? How true that when we are in that fast-lane keeping pace, we don't consider much except the need to get there. But we sure got a loud, crushing reminder that night to slow down, to protect our time, and our people when we can. There are some things in life that we can't prevent no matter what, but when things are in our control, let's take it nice and slow, and enjoy the ride. Maybe even make the choice to just sit still.

galilee whispers

My sweet granddaughter is enough to make me smile all day long. Then there's the anticipation of picking up our camper next week; learning to be a camper and planning road trips with the family gives me so much to look forward to. Starting Galilee Whispers with the girls, and having a place to blog are dreams come true and answered prayers in the making. I have so much to be excited about and to be thankful for!

But also, never far from my mind, and quite heavy on my heart, is the growing crisis of hopelessness in our world. There is deep pain and fear that can become a part of life when you or someone near you isn't emotionally or mentally healthy. We've walked through it more than once as a family and understand the enormity of it.

The name Galilee Whispers came to Andrea suddenly one day, when it seemed to perfectly fit the way we have heard God's voice over the years. She is quick to point out that it should begin with 'asking' - we need to seek God - but He still does answer in a soft, gentle leading voice. Once you begin to pray, and ask for healing and guidance, and once you are intentionally waiting for answers, you will think thoughts you know aren't yours... helpful people and messages will be placed in your path.

Jesus, the voice from Galilee, saw the crowds and had compassion. The book of Matthew, chapter 5, in the Bible says that Jesus "taught them, saying: "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

My prayer is that you are enjoying another day of life, always a gift to be appreciated, or that you will begin to find the healing you need today. We intend to share some resources that have meant so much to us during the past few years.